Thanks Mummy

I live in Queretaro, the mosquito capital of the world... (not really, but it seems like it). I don't remember Merdead as having PLAGUES of mosquitoes, so my guess is that it's definitely got something to do with being closer to the equator. And the rain. It's rainy season right now, which means that we get a two hour-long MONSOON every night, which is exciting.

We also like to leave our doors and windows wide open all day long because we have a burglar proof steel-gated house and a state of the art alarm system and moat and a ferocious, rabid, killing machine of a yellow lab that patrols the moat's edge, so don't get ideas). Sometimes we come home after a monsoon and find that we've forgotten to close up the house and everything close to an open window is soaked. We'll also find that our house is buzzing with disgusting, nasty, annoying little mosquitoes that loooooooove my blood. When this happens, CC goes into "The Mosquito Hunter" mode, where he climbs on top of furniture and stares at the ceiling with this look of determination in his eyes. His motivation is to kill (by hand) every single mosquito in the house, even though we use those raid plug-ins, which totally work. He just hates mosquitoes that much. I do too, and unfortunately, even with a real live Mosquito Hunter in the house or raid plug-ins contaminating the air from every light socket in the house, sometimes you can't avoid being bitten.

But alas, Mummy came through as she always seems to do and ended my suffering once again, albeit unintentionally. According to a blurb in Women's World magazine, one of the scholarly US magazines that she left me with after her and Diddy's visit last week, if you've been bitten by a mosquito and the itching is driving you nuts, all you have to do is roll some roll-on anti-perspirant on the bite and the swelling will go down, causing the itching to stop completely and immediately.

Apparently, as the Kenneth Haller, M.D., assistant professor of pediatrics at Saint Louis University (?) states in the blurb, the aluminum salts in the antiperspirant help the body reabsorb the fluid in the bug bite, so that it can't cause a reaction anymore.

It so works and the application was so much fun that I wished I had more bites to quell. All you do is roll it on and the itching stops after about 30 seconds. I'm actually not sure if you should use the wet kind or the dry kind, because I used both, one right on top of the other. I used the gel one first, and then thought that the powdery kind sounded more "correct", so I slapped some on top of the other one. I'll have to wait until I get attacked again and then try them both on different bites just to make sure.

I just wanted to let people know, because this has been such valuable information to me.

Cheers.

:)

What's that up ahead

TTASFICST #4

"Don't let him catch you staring at his horns. He's very self conscious about them. He files them down in order to appear more normal."

Good News/Bad News

Bad News: We demoted Pippen from Pedigree to generic dog food. It's called Sportsman's Choice and it claims to be made of Lamb and Rice.

Good News: Pippen LOVES Sportsman's Choice!!! He ate two bowls of it right away and wanted more. And it costs half the price of Pedigree! We also bought the 25 kilo bag, which means that we won't have to buy dog food for a LONG time!

Bad News: We bought a 25 kilo bag. Sportsman's Choice gives him the nastiest gas EVER, comparable in frequency and room-clearing ability to that one time when we thought it would be a good idea to give him a whole bag of cat food "because look, he just loves it so much." We're currently in talks over whether we should go buy a bag of Pedigree so that he can continue to live with us inside the house or if we should make him move out of the house until he finishes his 25 kilos of Sportsman's Choice.

Little Sister Syndrome

LSS gives me a deep urge to annoy and to please and to seek approval from a higher-ranking sibling who is older than me but not by much. And it makes me blissfully happy to get screwed over and think I'm getting a great deal. The following dialogue is an example of a typical childhood conversation between me and my big sister.

Me: Lisey, will you jump on the trampoline with me?
Lisey: No.
Me: Please?
Lisey: No.
Me: For five minutes?
Lisey: No.
Me: Why not?
Lisey: I don't want to.
Me: I'll let you have one of my toys!
Lisey: One?
Me: Yes, any one you want!
Lisey: No.
Me: Ok, I'll let you have all of them. Just five minutes on the trampoline with me.
Lisey: I'll think about it.
Me: (returning from bedroom, arms loaded with toys) Are you done thinking? Here are all of my toys. You can have all of them. Just jump with me for five minutes.
Lisey: (pause) For three minutes. And I get all of your toys.
Me: HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!!! (Does annoying victory dance all up in her face)

I have realized that the lack of having a big sister around has forced me to find a surrogate. CC is a poor substitute for a big sister, but my LSS is brutal and it drives me to annoy and to please and to seek approval however I can.

Our conversation yesterday:

CC: Jose called. He is coming over to get the sweater he left here at the party. If I go answer the door, he's going to want to talk forever and I just want to lay here and watch sports all day. Will you go and give it to him when he comes?
Me: No. That's a remnant of your party. You deal with it.
CC: (gets cocky "you'll regret it" older sibling-ish expression on face) Okay.
Me: LOL!

(20 mins. later, coming up the stairs)
CC: From now on, I will always remember that you never did me that favor.
Me: Whatever! (laughing up in his face all annoyingly)

(3 hours later, coming home from Costco)
CC: I forgot the garage door opener. Will you go open the garage door? Can you do that one favor for me or is it too hard?
Me: I'll do it if it makes up for the favor I didn't do earlier.
CC: Nope. It only counts for a little.
Me: 80 percent.
CC: Nope. Five percent.
Me: Then Im not doing it. 50 percent?
CC: Ten percent.
Me: Okay!

(2 minutes later, unloading stuff from car)
CC: (Bag rips, cans of Coke Zero roll around on the driveway) Damnit.
Me: If I pick them up, does it count towards my favors score?
CC: 1 percent each can.
Me: Yes!!!

Party

This weekend was long and fun and sober and exhausting. I planned a bachelorette party for my friend who is getting married this weekend, and while it was fun, I'm so glad it's over and done with. It took way too much out of me. I'd never, ever want to be a party planner. I had a ton of help from one of my friends, a should-be party planner who helped me think of and create our own games and make a LOT of posters and hang decorations and buy food and drinks and gifts and all of that stuff.

My best contribution to the party was "Memory", which was a posterboard with MemoRIA!! written on the top in bright gameshow letters, and below it 12 construction paper question marks hiding 12 face pictures of Memo, the groom. 12 Hilarious face pictures, which I happen to own TONS of from previous parties over the course of almost 4 years. Basically, all the bride had to do was match the 6 pairs and take a penalty shot of tequila when she messed up. So funny. As the game went on, the more she drank, so it got harder and harder. Plus, it turned out to be her favorite game. Everytime a face picture was revealed, she squealed in hilarity and with love at the sight of her FIANCE. SFIC'ntST.

I also bought cucumbers (a ridiculously large one for the bride and funny shaped ones for the rest of the girls) and condoms and we had a race to see who could put their condom on the cucumber the fastest. Maybe it sounds cheesy, but it turned out to be hilarious, especially when the bride couldn't get the wrapper off and lost. We made her finish dressing her cucumber and then she had to drink another shot of Tequila.

We had the party at my friends' apartment because the boys decided to have a huge party here at my house while we were gone, which we crashed at around 2AM. Their party turned out to be boring. They set up a huge flat screen TV in the dining room and somebody brought a Playstation 3 and all of them (except CC, of course, who never gets drunk as a skunk) were drunk as skunks. Clumsiness, singing, and typical pointless but passionate conversations ensued. I stayed up until 5AM participating in these conversations, giving my opinion on things, like: "yes, I know that you two are as close as brothers, Yes, I think that you should lick the nasty table to prove it." It was fun.