Making History

The entirely over-abundant urine sample of a total stranger (Courtesy Google Images)

My friend and I, dressed in very formal attire and sitting in the middle of a very fancy-schmancy dinner party, were having a very enthusiastic and rather loud conversation about proper stool and urine sample etiquette at the Doctor's office.

I opined that one should look for a way to set the sample down somewhere preferably hidden without having to pass it over to someone else's hands directly, and that the proper way to transport a sample from the bathroom to the lab is inside of a purse. She agreed and offered the appropriate way to give a sample over to a lab tech or nurse hand to hand if the situation were necessary.

We both eagerly agreed with the notion that one should be sure to give as little a sample as possible of either, but were unsure of exactly how much might be too little, which would make you have to do it all over again.

We shrieked with laughter as we verbally brought to life an imaginary scenario where someone turns in their entire (freakishly large) bowel movement, and then the moment got serious as I confided a very personal and emotional story from my childhood in which I fill my urine sample cup up to the rim during a doctor's visit, giving them about 2 cups worth of my urine and how my mom came in after me and poured the excess out, shaking her head and saying "You don't have to give them that much".

It was around this time that I tore my attention away from this engrossing conversation and looked up, straight into the lens of a videocamera (and behind it, a grinning cameraman) standing three feet away from us, recording the whole thing for the ages.

And So I Was Driving To Walmart And There Was This Cow...

... and it hopped onto a police truck, which gave it a ride to the other end of the Walmart, where it got off...

My Flight Home! Or, Why I Love to Fly!

Final Ticket Count: 17

June 10th, 2009
ITINERARY:
Depart10:35AM from San Francisco (SFO)
Arrive4:10PM from Dallas (DFW)
American Airlines Flight 2034
3 Hr 35 Min

Depart5:00PM Dallas (DFW)
Arrive7:35PM Mexico City (MEX)
American Airlines Flight 481
2 Hr 35 Min

5:00AM PST: Wake up and get ready to go to Mexico.
6:30AM: Elle Aiessae, CC, AJ and I leave for the SFO Airport
9:30AM: SFO and an hour till we fly!Thanks for the ride, Elle!
10:35AM: Flight delayed half an hour.
11:35AM: Flight delayed due to technical problems with the aircraft. We're going to miss our connecting flight to Dallas. We have to get reassigned to another flight and we get to stay in a hotel paid for by AA. Which is more than fine. Would we like to spend the night in SFO or in DFW? We choose DFW, to split up the travel time over two days. Oh, and instead of flying into Mexico City we must fly into BJX instead. That's okay, too. Perhaps even better. And we get food vouchers.
Our new itinerary:
Dallas/ft Worth (DFW) to Leon (BJX) on Thursday, 2009-06-11
Flight: AA3737
Operated By: AMERICAN EAGLE
Depart: 09:55 (DFW)
Arrive: 12:15 (BJX)

12:35PM: Still in SFO. Still delayed. Dreaming about the hotel. If we leave now we can have time to go swimming and relax a few hours before we go to bed.
1:30PM: It's getting late. By the time we get to Dallas, it will be past 8PM and we'll still have to check in and get the hotel arrangements with the airline, wait for baggage, get to the hotel. Maybe we should change our flight the next morning to something later.
2:30PM: Finally we board!
6:00PM CST: There is a huge electric storm in Dallas. Our plane cannot land, so instead we are going to circle the airport and wait for the storm to end or for clearance to land somewhere else.
8:00 PM CST: Storm is not letting up. We must fly to Oklahoma City and then they'll tell us what to do. I want to stay in a hotel in Oklahoma City.
8:45PM: Oklahoma City. Everybody gets out of the plane and onto the tarmac to change planes.
9:30PM: Dallas Fort Worth. Everybody gets out of the plane and into a HUGE LONG LINE to make their plans with the front desk. We are the last ones in line.
11:00PM: Airline person fights with me and says things that are really obvious. He does not let me talk. I want to change my morning flight because I want to sleep in. We have a verbal scuffle and he wins, I burst into tears and he feels sorry for me. He wants to put us in a really nice hotel, I can tell. But we have been translating for a man from Costa Rica and another man from Chile this whole time and they want to tag along with us because they have no idea what is going on, so he begrudgingly put us in the hotel that they are in. He tries to warn me with his eyes, but what can I do? Oh, and it will be impossible to retrieve our luggage tonight.

June 11th, 2009

12:00AM: Airport shuttle arrives and proceeds to pack us like sardines into the van. We are very illegally seated, but nobody cares because finally we are leaving the airport. It is a very bumpy ride that lasts about 40 minutes. 40 minutes!!!
12:40AM: We pull up to the B----- Inn. Everybody in the van starts to laugh.
12:45AM: AJ gets us pushed up to the front of the line. Which doesnt matter, because CC has to stay and translate for the two L. American guys who are in the back of the line.
1:15AM: CC gets to the hotel room and sees the glory that is the B---- Inn. We are tired and want to sleep but AJ wants to play. We have no cell phones (batteries are dead and no chargers) and so we set the hotel alarm clock to wake up at 6:30AM. The phones don't work because of the storm so we can't get a wake up call. 2:00AM: AJ doesn't understand that we need to get up at 6:30AM to catch the airport shuttle that is leaving at 7:00AM. She doesn't get it.
2:30 or so: Finally we all fall asleep.
3:30AM: Electrical storm starts up again and the lights go out. Which means that the alarm clock goes out, too. I don't care at all but CC sleeps in worried spurts in fear that we will miss the bus and our flight.
6:30AM: CC wakes us up
7:00AM: Back to the airport. The sky is gray and it is rainy. I have my doubts we will leave.
10:30AM: We are told to sit tight and wait because our flight will definitely be leaving, although we will be delayed. We are told to NOT APPROACH THE DESK BECAUSE THEY DO NOT HAVE ANY INFORMATION. A lot of flights are being canceled, but ours isn't canceled and won't be.
11:30AM: Flight delayed another hour.
12:00PM: Flight delayed another hour.
1:00PM: Flight delayed another hour.
2:00PM: Flight disappears completely from the flight listings. Its gone. So are the desk employees. They just left. 2:15PM: People are kinda frantic. They don't know what to do. It's like this all over the airport as airlines cancel flights left and right. Everybody is going to gate D24 by word of mouth. Supposedly Gate D24 is PACKED with people. We decide to stay at our gate and wait.
3:00PM: The airline people are back at the desk again. We get in line and wait to talk with them.
3:30PM: Our turn finally arrives. Our flight has been canceled. We are on our own because they are not liable for weather troubles. No hotel and no food vouchers. I tell CC to make AJ cry (which is easy, all you have to do is stop moving and be boring) as I explain to the airline people that this all started because of mechanical failure back in SFO and how hard it has been on us and how AJ is out of supplies and clean clothes and we need our luggage back. The airline lady is super nice with us and forces her superior to get us a hotel room and food vouchers. I can tell she is getting us a nice hotel this time by the look she gives me and her superior, who is forced to okay it.
3:45PM: The airline lady is still dealing with us. We have a hotel, but no flight back. All flights are full until SUNDAY.
4:15PM: We are still dealing with the airline lady. She finally gives us a phone number to call and tells us to get to our hotel and rest and to call the number later.
5:00PM: We get to our room at the Hilton. I was right. The bed is so comfortable and we all sleep for 2 hours. When we wake up we call the 1800 number and are booked with a flight at 2pm the next day to BJX on Mexicana instead of AA. Whatever!!! We'll take it!
8:00PM: We order room service and watch the NBA finals game. We have a perfect night of rest and relaxation.

June 12th, 2009
10:00AM: We wake up and have a perfect leisurely morning.
12:00PM: Check out and airport shuttle. We arrive at the airport. We're in the same clothes and everything and we havent brushed our teeth properly or put on deodorant in 2 days but we're showered and feeling quite refreshed.
12:10PM: Check in at Mexicana airlines. They don't have our reservation.
12:30PM: On the phone with the AA rep. She apologizes profusely for our ordeal. She rebooks us for a packed flight at 5:30PM to Mexico City. I try to get her to upgrade our seats for our suffering. She says she can't but that I should speak with the desk people about it.
1:00PM: After standing in line again, we finally get our seats confirmed. I ask the lady about seat upgrades. She cops a major attitude and tells me I am lying when I told her that the AA rep on the phone told me to speak with her about it. I drop the issue forever and resolve that I am not a "get stuff free" kind of person. She prints our tickets.
5:30PM: Flight has been delayed 1 hour.
6:30PM: We start boarding. They call out group numbers and we realize we don't have a group. We don't have seats assigned, either. We start panicking and realize that we probably are on standby.
6:35PM: We're not on standby! We got seats.
6:45PM: We fly home. We finally get home to our house at 2AM.